As you can see, Scout is adjusting nicely to the new grandbaby.

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A recent news account reported that Shettino abandoned ship more than four hours before the last passenger. Four hours. Plenty of time to finish his dessert, while others around him fought for their very lives. In an effort to learn from this tragedy of epic proportions, I want to take a closer look at portions of the exchange that took place between Schettino and a Coast Guard officer while Shettino sat safely on a lifeboat and the passengers on his ship struggled to escape. At one point the Coast Guard officer yells, “You go on board! Is that clear? Do you hear me?” “It is an order. Don’t make any more excuses.” (Translation: “A real man doesn’t make excuses. A real man goes down with the ship, you narcissistic coward!”)

Schettino replied that he was not refusing, but still did not return to the ship, saying at one point: “Do you realize it is dark and here we can’t see anything?” (Translation: “Waaaaaaaagh, waaaaaaaaah! I want my mommy! Quit picking on me and contact the Captain. Oh wait, I AM THE CAPTAIN!”)

De Falco shouted back: “And so what? You want to go home, Schettino? It is dark and you want to go home? Get on that prow of the boat using the pilot ladder and tell me what can be done, how many people there are and what their needs are. Now!” (Translation: “Look, little boy. Apparently, your mother or father never taught you about what it is to be a man, so now I’m forced to teach you and we have precious little time. Lives are at stake, so put on your big boy pants and act like man!”

The exchange came to light after divers pulled the bodies of four men and a woman, all wearing life vests, from the wreckage. Today, the death toll stands at 13 and nearly two dozen people still remain missing. (Read more about the account by clicking here.)

Sadly, the Captain wasn’t the only coward in this story. In another article entitled “Chivalry Sinks under Equality’s Murky Waters,” author Charlotte Hays, makes this point:

When the Costa Concordia cruise liner struck rocks and careened onto its side off the coast of Tuscany, passengers and press alike compared the modern maritime disaster to the sinking of the Titanic.

The comparison has proven unflattering to the captain, crew, and male passengers aboard the Costa Concordia, who in many cases shoved past women — including expectant mothers — and children to save their own sorry skins.

A grandmother recalled for the Daily Mail, “I was standing by the lifeboats and men, big men, were banging into me and knocking the girls.”  “Whatever happened to women and children first?” the newspaper queried.  What indeed?

The men who behaved badly on the Costa Concordia were cowards, no doubt  about it, but they are also products of an age that downplays such erstwhile virtues as chivalry and protectiveness of women.  We instinctively recoil from the way they behaved, but there are mitigating factors (I recoil as I write this, but it is true).

There has been a sea change in the way men value women since the Titanic went down almost exactly a hundred years ago, on April 14-15, 1912.  That night, in the icy waters off the coast of Newfoundland, men willingly sacrificed their lives for women and children.

The statistics are stunning: eighty percent of the men aboard the Titanic perished, while seventy-four percent of the women survived.  It is telling, as Rich Lowry observed in National Review, that more women from third class, located deep in the ship’s bowels, survived than did men from first class.  Human nature being what it is, some men might have been tempted to make a dash for the lifeboats, but the crew fired shots to prevent this.  As Bob Asman, a TV producer, observed at one of the annual black-tie gatherings held by the Men’s Titanic Society at the Titanic Memorial here in Washington, D.C., it was the “chivalry and gallantry” of the men that saved the women and children. (Click here to read the article.)

As sad as this story is, I can’t say I’m surprised to hear about the despicable behavior displayed by so many of the cowardly men (including Captain Coward, himself) aboard the Costa Concordia. I addressed the lack of chivalry in my book, 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Son in a chapter entitled “Raising Up a Gentleman.”

The traditional gentleman seems to be a lost and dying breed. The chivalrous, hat-tipping, surrender-your-seat-to-the-ladies brand of gentleman who courted our grandmothers is a long forgotten thing of the past. While I’m not suggesting we retreat back 50 years and start a hat-tipping revival, I do think parents need to be more purposeful when it comes to raising their sons to be gentlemen.

While recently trying on some jeans at a near-by store, I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation between two young women in the dressing room next to me. One of them was sharing a concern with her friend about her boyfriend’s lack of good manners. “He just doesn’t seem to get it. When we first starting going out, he paid for my meals, but now that we’ve been together for six months, sometimes, he expects me to pay! And he’s never once opened a door for me or waited for me to enter a place in front of him. The other day, we were headed into the student center and he walked into the building right in front of me while I was digging in my purse for my student ID and he just let the door close behind him.”

By this time, it was all I could do to keep from screaming, “Dump him, sister! He’s a dud!” As if her plight wasn’t sad enough, wait until you hear her friend’s response! “Yeah, but pretty much no guy opens doors anymore. I mean, I wish they would, but we can’t blame them if they’re not raised that way.” Key statement: If they’re not raised that way. Hmmmm. It certainly inspired me to sit both my boys down in the days that followed and make sure they are behaving like the gentlemen their father and I raised them to be. Clearly, chivalry is on the list of endangered character qualities at risk for extinction.

Chivalry is controversial given the women’s movement and the residue of confusion it left in its wake.* While some women may find it offensive that a man would have the nerve to hold the door for them, the majority of women still welcome the gesture of kindness. (And I doubt that even the radical feminists would dare to complain if they were on a sinking ship and a gentleman offered to give up his seat on the life-boat to one of them.) 

Chivalry shouldn’t be reserved for just women. Our sons should be taught to keep an eye out for anyone in need, including children and the elderly and extend a helping hand should the opportunity arise. The wisdom of Luke 6:31 is timeless for every generation: “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

Chivalrous gentlemen are made, not born. It’s up to us to teach our sons about chivalry. It begins in the home when they are young and the teaching should continue through the years. Chivalry doesn’t have to sink with the Titanic. It’s up to us, as parents, to keep it afloat.

*Clarification: By “confusion,” I’m referring to a movement that began with the noble purpose of fighting for the equal rights of women (equal pay for equal work, the right to own property, etc.), which I’m sure we all support. Somewhere along the way, the movement was hijacked by a radical handful of women (think Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, etc.) who began to blame the patriarch for the ills of women. Equal treatment was not their goal, but better treatment. As a result, the word “feminist” now has a negative connotation and is typically associated with the more radical form of feminism. I feel a clarification is necessary because I don’t want to imply in any way that my cry for the return of chivalry is only possible if we retreat back to the days where women were treated as second class citizens. I am grateful for the progress that has been made in regard to establishing equal rights for women, but saddened by the fallout that has resulted from the more extreme form of feminism.

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Well, I bought my grandson, little Walker, an activity gym and as you can see it’s been a real hit. What’s funny about this picture is that both my husband and son had the same instinct to “try it out,”  unaware that the other had done the same thing. And I just so happened to have my camera nearby. Mercy, Walker comes from a long line of goofballs. And they aren’t the only ones who’ve shown an interest in the activity gym.

Have a great weekend!

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The above clip is from my daughter’s rehearsal dinner on December 16, 2011. As my husband spoke, I was overcome with gratitude for the kind of father he has been to our children. I am so very blessed. Our kids are so very blessed. I’ve written and spoken extensively on the importance of the father/daughter relationship, but the 2 1/2 minute clip above sums it up more beautifully than any combination of carefully crafted words. The clip provides the answer to many of the concerns Christian parents have when it comes to raising daughters:

How can I raise her to have confidence and see herself through God’s eyes?

How can I help her guard her heart?

As I filmed my husband’s tribute to our daughter from behind the camera, I couldn’t help but wonder how different this world might look if more little girls had dads who asked them to go on ice cream dates from the preschool to teenage years. And played board games and Barbies with them. And took them on an annual weekend camping trip each year. And reminded them over the years that God appointed them to be the “man in their lives,” and “their protector” and “spiritual leader” until they meet their future husbands. And modeled for them what sort of standard they should have when it comes to choosing a future husband.

I dare say if we had more dads like that, we would see a dramatic decrease in many of the issues that plague our girls today: low self-esteem, eating disorders, negative body image, anxiety, rebelliousness, immodesty, promiscuity, and a desperate, insatiable need for male attention, just to name a few. The remedy for these problems cannot be found in more self-help books and Christian pep talks. The remedy is simple: We need fewer absent fathers and more “sweet-daddy-boy-dates.” We need fewer sad stories and more locket stories.

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One of my resolutions for 2012 is to relax more. I’ve always had a problem with relaxing, whether it be carving out time to read a good book (pleasure reading vs. self improvement), watching a movie, or a Sunday afternoon nap (which is rare). Even when I allow myself to partake in a guilty pleasure (like watching a few back to back episodes of House Hunters on HGTV), I generally have my laptop in front of me while I do some background research for a writing or speaking project. I’m big on spending time with my family, so any spare time I have apart from traveling to speak and meeting writing deadlines is generally devoted to spending time with my husband and children. This is a common challenge that many women face today when it comes to prioritizing family and juggling a full-time job. Something has to go. And in many cases, it’s me-time.

Add to the equation the insanity of this past year with two weddings, a senior year, a high school graduation, a college move-in, the arrival of a grandchild, and yeah, it’s time to relax. And what better time to learn to relax than now when I’ve officially entered into the empty-nest season of life? Even though I have a couple of upcoming book deadlines and a busy season of speaking, I will be left with more free time now that two of my children are married and the last one is in college. (Insert Handel’s Hallelujah chorus here.) Which brings me to the picture above. Some time ago, I was perusing one of my vintage copies of Ladies’ Home Journal (December, 1895) while doing some background research for a Bible study I was writing and I ran across a pattern for embroidering monograms.

Aren’t they gorgeous?! I find it fascinating to think about a time period when many of the luxuries we enjoy today didn’t exist. There were no shortcuts to daily chores offered in the way of microwave ovens, dish washers, or washing machines, yet women from this time period took the time to accent a pair of pillow cases or handkerchiefs. So began the inspiration for my first-ever embroidery project. I wish you could have seen my husband’s face when he asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I responded with “embroidery needles, an embroidery hoop, and an assortment of embroidery floss.” “Huh?,” he said. To which I replied, “Get Paige to help you. It’s part of my New Year’s resolution to relax more.” To which he replied, “Huh?” While finishing up my Christmas shopping, I happen to run across these cloth napkins at TJ Maxx:

A set of twelve cloth restaurant napkins that just so happen to match my Friendly Village pottery (that I picked up years ago at an antique store):

I love this pottery. Actually, I picked up two packages of cloth napkins because I reasoned that some day, I will be responsible for feeding my entire clan over the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. Which means I also need to learn to cook at some point. One day at a time. The end result is not perfect, but I’m beginning to get the hang of it. Two down and 22 more napkins to go! Surprisingly, the last one only took me about an hour to complete.

I thought it would be cool to try the monogram on a hand towel and use the thread below that came in my grandfather’s army-issued uniform mending kit from 1943:

How awesome is this kit?! As you can tell, I love things that have a deep meaning attached to them. A vintage embroidery pattern from 1895 hand-stitched with vintage thread that belonged to my grandfather back in 1943. And yeah, you can bet no one is going to ever wipe their hands on this hand towel!

Suffice it to say, this was not a good project for a beginning embroider! I learned that there is a reason embroiders use embroidery floss rather than cotton sewing thread. The thread was such a booger to work with. The finished product is not a work of art, but knowing the thread belonged to my grandfather makes it special and worthy of display. Somewhere safe and away from dirty hands. Like a glass case or something.

So, that’s what I’ve been up to lately. I’m just curious, but what do you do to relax? Is it hard for you to relax or do you have this relaxing stuff down? Share your secrets!

Oh, and by the way, Happy New Year!

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Whew. I am finally emerging from the post-wedding fog and catching my breath. I am literally basking in the afterglow of a wedding that was more than I ever imagined. I have dreamed of this day since May 5th, 1990 when I heard, “It’s a girl” and a little princess was placed in my arms. Matt and Paige’s deepest desire was that Christ be center stage at their wedding — not the bride, the wedding gown, or the beautiful floral arrangements. After a week of rain, the day was simply beautiful and the first of many gifts God would deliver on that day. Since I was detained with mother-of-the-bride duties, there are only a few pictures of the actual ceremony. They will come later when I get back the footage from the professional photographer and videographer. Most of the pictures in the clip above are from the events leading up to the ceremony and the reception that followed.

We had two officiants at the ceremony who turned the attention exactly where it needed to be — Jesus Christ, God’s appointed bridegroom. Both of these men are very dear to our family. The first was Louie Giglio. Louie gave a beautiful message on why Christ deserves center-stage, not just in marriage, but our lives in general. What better time than to hear that reminder one week out from Christmas? Louie flew in from Atlanta and flew right back out after the ceremony to preach at Passion City Church the following morning. Not to mention, he kind of has a big event coming up in a couple of weeks. Nearly 40,000 students will fill the Georgia Dome for Passion 2012. (And I thought it was stressful to plan a wedding!) The Courtney family will never forget the sacrifices Louie made to serve at Matt and Paige’s wedding.

The second officiant was our long-time pastor and dear friend, Donnie Dixon. Donnie and my husband grew up in the same town (Texas City) and graduated from the same high school. We have been the best of friends with the Dixon family ever since we landed in Austin, Texas at the same church in 1987. Along with the Andrews family (worship minister of our church and clan), we have raised our kids in community and have a special relationship with both families. It was extra special to have Donnie officiate Matt and Paige’s ceremony because he officiated at my wedding ceremony and declared Keith and me “husband and wife” back in 1987! We love the Dixon family and are grateful they have served as a second set of parents to our children.

Paige’s cousin (Keith’s sister’s daughter) opened the ceremony with a beautiful solo to O Holy Night. It was the perfect way to begin the ceremony and another way to put the focus on Christ, rather than the bride and groom. Another one of Paige’s cousins (my brother’s little girl) served as one of the flower girls. My boys were among the groomsmen and my new daughter-in-law was a bridesmaid. Not to mention, the entire cast of bridesmaids are like daughters to me. I love these girls. A long-time family/church friend, Karen Funderburk handled all the floral arrangements and bouquets. She was also the inspiration behind the Christmas decor, including the beautiful chandelier hanging over the stage. Paige’s dad put together that chandelier one piece at a time and hung it from the rafters above the stage the day before the wedding, which made it even more special. (Yes, there were a few moments when I wondered if my marriage would survive “the chandelier”! How was I supposed to know it would require renting a lift from Home Depot?!)

The chandelier was a beautiful touch, but not nearly as beautiful as watching Matt’s eyes fill with tears as he stood under that chandelier and his bride made her way down the aisle. Unforgettable. And yes, I cried. Matt’s comments to Paige at the end of this clip (filmed at the rehearsal the night before) help explain the emotion behind his tears and what he was feeling in that moment. Keith and I could not have hand-picked a better husband for our daughter. He is exactly what we had in mind when we have prayed for our daughter’s future spouse all these years. We feel the same way about our daughter-in-law, Casey. Never under-estimate the power of praying for your children’s future spouse.

Another unforgettable memory occurred at the rehearsal dinner. I plan to share about it on this blog after the holidays come to a close. If you have a daughter, you won’t want to miss the post. It involves a special tradition my husband established with my daughter beginning when she was about four years old. I can write and speak about ways to help guard our daughters’ hearts, but my husband summed up in a 1 1/2 minute tribute to Paige what matters most. I’ll share the clip after we get past Christmas and New Year’s. Suffice it to say, it is one of my best memories of all-time.

In the meantime, I hope you enjoy the clip above. The wedding was a beautiful way to end a year filled with beautiful things in the Courtney family: Two weddings, a grandbaby, and our youngest child graduating from high school — Wow. What a whirlwind. But a good kind of whirlwind. My heart is full and I am grateful.

Merry Christmas! May Christ be center stage on this day and every day that follows. He is worthy!

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I am exhausted. But my heart is so full it feels like it could bust wide open at any moment. I will be back with pictures from the wedding, but for now, enjoy the clip above that I posted on Facebook over the weekend of the father/daughter dance at the wedding reception. Here is what I said in my description of the clip:

Without a doubt, one of the most memorable moments of my entire life: The Father/Daughter dance with Paige Courtney and her daddy, Keith Courtney at her wedding tonight. They claimed this song as their song when she was about 7 or 8 years old. I remember when it came on the radio one day and she asked if she could get out of her seat belt real quick to give her daddy “butterfly kisses” on the cheek. He sang every word to her tonight as they danced to the song. Every single word.

I promise I’ll be back with wedding pics and commentary later this week. I’m off to do some Christmas shopping because for me, the Christmas season just officially began! In the meantime, enjoy the clip above. If you have a daughter, you may want to grab a tissue.

Thank you again for celebrating alongside our family in a year filled with wonderful memories.

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I am writing this post on the run. I head out the door in one hour for the rehearsal at the church and the rehearsal dinner that will follow. This whole week has been surreal. I can’t let myself dwell too much on the sentimentality of it all or I will lose it before the big day ever arrives. My little girl is getting married tomrorow. Wow. She’s moving out. Leaving the nest. Beginning her new life. The good news is that she’s only moving 1.5 miles down the road from me. The even better news is that she’s marrying a guy who loves Jesus more than life itself. Not to mention, he’s pretty crazy about her as well!

I’d be lying if I told you it wasn’t hard to see her suitcase sitting on the floor in her bedroom, packed and ready to go for the honeymoon. When she returns home, she’ll be going to her new home. One chapter closes and another one begins. Wow, it went by so very fast. I remember standing over her crib and saying a prayer for her future husband and thinking about the day she’ll get married. And now, that day has arrived. I can’t tell you how thrilled I am to see God answer our prayer that she would marry someone who puts his faith in Christ above all else.

I have treasured the last few months that my daughter has lived in our home. We were already close, but this has brought us even closer together. We are at that place in our relationship where we have an absolute blast together. She is truly, my best friend. In fact, I wanted to give you a peek at a fun prank we’ve played on each other over the past couple of months. I found a stand-up cutout of Zac Efron in her room and got a wild hair to plant him in various places throughout the house to “surprise” her from time to time.

He showed up outside her bathroom door while she was in the shower. Pretty creepy, huh?

Then he showed up in my closet. Nice try, Paige. Okay, so maybe I screamed a tiny scream. And crumpled to the ground in fear.

This one is probably my favorite. He was ready to go when she headed out the door for work one morning.

Nothing like pulling open the living room curtains and finding him on your back deck…

Shower anyone?

Another favorite. All tucked in her bed with her favorite stuffed animals by his side. He was googling images of…himself.

Paige’s response to the above picture. She slid the guy right down the stairs. I’m happy to say, he suffered no major injuries.

Nothing like getting out of the shower and finding this. Peeping Zac?

Yeah, pretty creepy. Nighty-night, Paige!

She was taking an online final exam in my office. The second picture gets the downright creepy award.

But it’s not over just yet. Rumor has it, Zacky-baby may make an appearance tonight at the rehearsal dinner. I may or may not have set the fellow up on the stage right where she’ll be standing tomorrow during the ceremony. I’ll try to snap a pic or two of her expression when she’s sees her friend lined up with the groomsmen tonight during the rehearsal.

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Seriously though, this journey has been a blast. I’m so thankful I was able to move a book deadline (a big “thank you” to my publisher, B&H) in order to take writing off my plate during this busy season. I’ll go back to writing immediately after the holidays and begin working on an update to my Virtuous Woman book, which will release in late 2012 (I think?). I love writing and have missed it terribly, but I am thankful for the opportunity to direct my primary attention to the arrival of the grandbaby and my daughter’s wedding.

We are in the final stretch with the wedding a week and a half away. With my event planning background, I rejected the idea of hiring a wedding planner. Not to mention, it wasn’t in the budget! And speaking of budgets, here is a word of advice to those of you with daughters: Whatever you think would make a reasonable wedding budget, double it. If you have more than one daughter, may God be with you. The wedding industry is a racket. There are “hidden costs” around every corner and after awhile, you are numb to pulling out your Visa card or checkbook. Again. And Again. And yet, again. Start saving now. Or offer your daughter a reduced sum on the front end if she will sign an agreement to elope. I’m kidding. But, not really.

As for Bridezilla or Momzilla of the Bride moments, they have been few and far between. I’ve had a couple of little melt downs, but overall, things have gone rather smoothly. My daughter took a 16 hour course load this past semester, so she trusted me with just about everything having to do with the wedding planning. We have very similar tastes, so it worked out nicely. In the process of trying to save money, my crafty side has emerged. Hello, Pinterest! Here are a couple of projects I am most proud of:

The rehearsal dinner table centerpieces (times 8!) These little darlings turned out cute, but I sacrificed my fingertips to a glue gun to make them. I recycled my cute grapevine baskets that I had purchased for my son’s rehearsal dinner (Tuesday Morning–love this place!) and blinged them up with ornaments and garland that was 60% off at Michaels craft store. When I think of the money I saved, it takes my mind off my throbbing, blistered fingertips.

And how about these cute little guest favors (inspired by Etsy):

For the record, the tag attached to the miniature Christmas cookie cutters are manilla Avery shipping labels that yours truly tea-stained in order to give them a vintage look. And yeah, I won’t be doing that again. Fortunately, I only have ONE daughter. I’ve mumbled that line quite a few times during the wedding planning and check-writing process.

Well, that’s just a glimpse of what my life looks like right now. I can’t believe my little girl is about to be married. And I can’t begin to tell you what a joy it is to see your children end up with wonderful, godly spouses who love the Lord and are committed to living first and foremost for Him. Thank you for celebrating this happy time with our family. Now, I’m off to Costco for the third time this week!

Credits: The engagement picture above was taken by one of Paige’s bridesmaids (a long-time church friend since the age of four), Jessica Scott. She is local to Austin and incredibly talented. She just took my grandson’s newborn pictures, so I’ll be back to show you more of her work next week. If you’re local to Austin, click here to check out her work.

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UPDATE: We have a winner! Congrats to Rhonda W. Thanks for sharing your amazing traditions. I enjoyed reading them so much!

I haven’t done a give-away in awhile, so I thought it would be fun to do a quick one in honor of Thanksgiving. Comment below with your favorite Thanksgiving tradition and I’ll enter your name in a drawing to win a gorgeous HCSB study Bible (brown and tan) along with an audio copy of Crazy Love by Francis Chan (over $50 value!). I’ll announce the winner on this post one week from today.

As for my favorite Thanksgiving tradition, we head to my in-laws ranch in East Texas and gather with lots and lots of extended family. The property has been in the family for a long time and my husband and his cousins (all around the same age) grew up spending many weekends at the ranch. We eat a ton, ride four wheelers, play yard games, and celebrate the blessing of family. This year, we’ll take a day trip to see my dad (who is an hour’s drive away) and eat another big meal with him…and then back to the ranch. My brother, sister-in-law, and niece will also be joining us at my in-law’s ranch and I’m super excited about that. This will be the first time for my 7 year-old niece to visit the ranch (or as we call it, “the farm”) and I can’t wait for her to experience it. Anyway, that is my favorite Thanksgiving tradition. Now, it’s your turn! What’s your favorite Thanksgiving tradition?

P.S. And did I mention that I have a new grandbaby? Ah yes, I believe I did in the previous post, as well as my Facebook album of over a hundred pictures! But, I just can’t resist sharing my latest picture from yesterday when they brought the little fella home from the hospital in his Auburn smocked white gown with an embroidered tiger paw print. For the record, Ryan said that’s the last time he’ll be wearing “a dress!”

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