Nov 10, 09
Adults, age 35 and up, are currently the fastest growing audience on Facebook. They are rushing over to join the fun. Which means their teens, who once had the place all to themselves, are cringing over the reality that the chaperones have arrived. In droves. As the younger users are trying to figure out the etiquette of whether or not they have to accept friend requests from Mom, Dad, Uncle Beryl, and even Grandma, parents are in great need of a few etiquette tips themselves. Here are ten tips that seem to be at the top of most teens’ wish lists. And yes, some of the tips (okay, a lot of them), I’ve learned the hard way…if you know what I mean.
- Do not post reminders on your child’s wall. This includes, but is not limited to: Reminders to wear their retainer at night, take the recycle bin out to the curb, or to remember their upcoming dermatologist appointment. In fact, just to be safe don’t post anything on your child’s wall except for perhaps, birthday wishes. And even that’s debatable. A simple “Happy Birthday” will suffice. Do not use terms of endearment in the greeting and do not send a Facebook gift. This includes the stuffed bear wearing an “I love Mom” t-shirt. (Sorry, Ryan.)
- Do not comment on pictures of your child that are posted (tagged) by their friends. This includes, but is not limited to: Compliments about your daughter’s hair, gentle suggestions that your daughter may need to wear a bit more lip gloss, or a simple “Yikes” said in reference to one of your daughter’s friends showing a bit too much cleavage. (Guilty!) These types of comments should fall into the private message category. Never forget that comments on pictures can be viewed by everyone on your daughter’s friend list, including the girl who is showing a bit too much cleavage.
- Do not post pictures of your child on his/her wall. This especially includes, but is not limited to: Scanned family photos from a decade ago or baby pictures of your son playing dress-up in his dad’s suit. Doing so could result in your son’s college roommate using the above-mentioned baby picture as his profile picture in a week-long mockery campaign. (See photo above. Sorry, Ryan.) Also, pictures of the beloved family pet are in the no-post category, but are acceptable if sent through private message. Just because your college son talks baby talk to the 4 lb. Yorkie when he’s home for a visit, doesn’t necessarily mean he wants a picture of the little love-muffin dressed in his Halloween Batman costume on his wall (Sorry again, Ryan.)
- Do not upload footage of your child performing as a superstar in any sport or activity without first obtaining their permission. This includes footage of your son making a phenomenal one-handed catch during the homecoming football game that resulted in a run for a touchdown. We are all proud of our children, but excessive bragging (through videos, pictures, or status updates) should be doled out in moderation. Which reminds me, footage of Hayden’s amazing catch can be found by clicking on videos on my Facebook page. (NOTE: Hayden gave me the green light to post the clip in exchange for a $20 gift card to Sonic.)
- Do not use status message updates as a billboard for your teen’s poor choices. Unless that is, it’s funny and then it’s okay. The end goal should not be to publicly shame your teenager, but rather, to garner empathy from fellow parents of teens. Kinda like a big, giant Facebook support group for parents. “My teen just tested my last ounce of patience. Anyone know of any good boarding schools?” sounds much better than “My punk teen just shoplifted an energy drink from a convenience store. Pray he lives to see the sun come up tomorrow.”
- Mushy Facebook status messages related to your spouse should be avoided at all costs. What child wouldn’t need intensive therapy after seeing Dad’s status message in the newsfeed: “My wife is a total hottie and I’m counting the days until our weekend get-away.” Ew, ew, ew. In fact, Dad’s entire friend list may need therapy after that one. Facebook PDA is unacceptable at any age, and even more so if you answer to the title “Mom” or “Dad.”
- Never, ever, send a friend request to one of your child’s friends. It doesn’t matter if you were present at their birth, diapered their little bottoms, and count them as one of your very own. Wait for them to come to you. They may…or they may not. Even the good kids are worried about the lack of control they have over what others may say on their walls and don’t want the adults they know to think any less of them. Especially the ones they love.
- Use discretion when uploading pictures of yourself. I don’t care if you are 50 years old and super proud of your six-pack abs – I promise you, your kids don’t want to see them. If you are going to play sand volleyball and there is a camera present, do the kiddos a favor and put a shirt on. If you are going to post pictures from the family beach trip, please wear a cover up. Modest is hottest. Yeah, and you might not ever want to repeat that cheesy slogan in the hearing of your kids or they’re guaranteed to pack up and run away from home. Forever.
- Never say LOL. Actually, I was just made aware of this one recently after being royally chastised by one of my children for daring to say it in a comment. Not sure what is so offensive about saying LOL, but it clearly struck a nerve and I got this immediate reply: “Mom, NEVER say LOL again.” To which I promptly replied: “NP! IDK what I was thinking. TTYL!” It’s been a few weeks since I last heard from that child, but I’m pretty sure she’s been busy studying for mid-terms. LOL.
- Last, but not least, never let on that you are stalking their page. Oh sure, you are going to be left with some questions from time to time or see some things that make you grumble. As long as you think they are making overall, good choices, resist the urge to correct every infraction you see. Of course, the exception to the rule is if you have reason to believe your child is headed down a dangerous path and an intervention is in order. Otherwise, pull back and give your child some wiggle room to grow up. And let’s all count our blessings that Facebook wasn’t around when we were teens!
Girlfriend,
This is hysterical! And right-on
That was hysterical.
Been there, done just about every one of those! I just heard on NBC this morning that “Facebook” was googled more than “sex” in the last few months. Wow.
Great advice!
I am guilty of a few infractions! I will clean up my act, PRONTO!
I try to be very discreet while stalking my kids, really I do!
I loved #9. LOL!
My kids are too young for Facebook but I’ll remember this when they get older!
OMGosh LOL
I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to lol? Dang.
The Verizon commercial is my favorite: “Mom, just because you’re my friend on Facebook doesn’t mean you can write I Love You all over my wall.” Or better still the twitter updates… “I’m sitting on the patio…” Absolutely hysterical!!!
I really want to know WHY “LOL” is a no-no. Beg your children to explain. How do you convey sarcasm and/or that you’re joking without sometimes using it? Or how do you convey that you find something to be kind of funny? LQTM? (Laughing Quietly To Myself?) Inquiring, adult minds want to know!
Guilty of a few. I’ve learned to get my daughter’s “permission” to say anything to her or her friends. And yes, I have let them come to me. I made that rule from the very beginning. She’s the one who taught me how to stalk on facebook. LOL!
I asked my daughter (age 16) how she felt about the LOL rule, all she could come up with for an excuse was that teens were texting first and using short cuts, now adults are texting. Teens were on FB first, now all the adults are. So, I guess they just want something of their own. So far, my daughter comments on my stuff more than I comment on hers and I never comment to her friends. I learned that early on. Oh and LOL about LQTM, I loved that.
You are hysterical!! I thought you were being polite saying you had done some of the Top 10 to identify with all of us who really had!! I laughed so hard!! Have one question: So if we aren’t supposed to ask if we can be friends with any of their friends, what do I do now that I am!!??
Almost spit my drink on my laptop upon seeing your son’s picture at the top. And the week long mockery campaign!! Beyond hilarious.
Honestly, I think your kids are a little too hard on you
That was so very funny! I was LOLing the whole read!! Thanks for advice…some useful and some just funny! It lightened up my whole afternoon and now I gotta share it with my husband! Funny you send this out on the day I was snoping in my sons messages on FB. Just to make sure they were all good….and they were but a momma’s gotta keep up and make sure everything is A-oK!
Could I post this as a link to my Facebook or would that be #11??? I was thinking how many adults I’d like to share it with (all on Facebook), and then had second thoughts, especially for your poor Ryan whose photo would go even farther!
I love this Vicki! Actually as a youth minister’s wife I agree with and try to abide by all of these! It is surprising how many of our youth will ask me to be their friend and I never have to. I had one of our kids tell me a while back “never use lol again!”. I just use “hehe” when I’m trying to be funny or sarcastic.
I greatly prefer facebook to myspace so I hope us growed up people don’t send our kids back to myspace to escape all of us! Thanks for this alert.
I am SO thankful that both digital cameras and facebook weren’t around when we were teenagers! It made the 70′s and 80′s much more fun but also a lot less accountable. There’s no such thing as total privacy anymore.
I”m truly LOL….especially since my husband and I got a very stern “talking to” last night by our 15-year-old daughter about this very thing. She’s giving us one more chance before grounding us from FB.
Will try to follow the rules…..
LOL…so funny! Not only does my daughter have to be accountable to us (her parents) but her entire extended family and church family are on FB as well! I will have to link to this on my FB…just too funny! Thanks for keeping us “cool” in the face of our kids!
Im 13 and my mom has done her fair share of posting on my wall. She even posted a qwote about sex on my profile! But thank God she refuses to use texting language. Thnx for saying this too all the other moms who dont hav teenagers yet.
PS:were not jokeing
I really appreciate your ministry, and really am bleesed by your alerts. On this occasion though, I have found the opposite to be true. I am very thankful for the relationship I have with my 20 year old son and 18 year old daughter. While we have boundaries on Facebook, the tips you listed have never been a problem for us. God has been so good in allowing us to be real with each other. Each of our FB pages is about us and us alone.
When I shared this list with my daughter, she thought it was ridiculous.
I guess each of us has to do what we have to do to keep peace in our homes, but I also have to same open realtionship with their friends as well. To God be the glory!!
Hi Stephanie! I appreciate your comments even if we don’t see eye-to-eye and especially the pleasant tone in which you presented them. Such is not always the case! The list, while serious in regard to extreme forms of embarrassment on FB, was meant to be more tongue-in-cheek than a serious checklist of rules. My kids post on my wall and vice-versa, however, we often crack up when a new parent to Facebook takes it a bit too far. The fact that your 18 and 20 y.o. kids set up their pages to communicate w/ you and you alone is rare and not common among most kids today. Glad you’re having a good experience with FB, but you have to realize that most parents do not have kids whose sole purpose in using FB is to communicate w/ their immediate family members.
LOL!!!!!!!!!! this is hysterical. Great rules. I’m passing them on to my Mom.
Love this- it is too funny:-) I can totally see myself doing the “yikes” comment! I have an almost 13 year old and am curious about what you think an appropriate age for facebook is.
I appreciate the tongue-n-cheek approach to these tips & guidelines! I think, we as parents should know (I do anyway) the “no-go” zones with our kids – what would definately cause a “major social crisis” versus a good down-right “ragging session” (all in good humor of course).
I have a great relationship with my teen kids, 18 & 14, and we have an appreciation for sarcastic humor. But that being said it all boils down to knowing your kids, having a good relationship with them, with the understanding of what is and is not acceptable (what boundries not to cross). It seems Vicki, you have found yours with your kids (at least your son!)
I absolutely agree with no public condemnation of our childrens actions, or of any of their friend’s for that matter; parental PDA “announcements” (yes my teen daughter would “gag herself with a spoon”~LOL) as well as disgression in posting personal photographs and comments.
I appreciate your blog, your bravery to approch subjects we all deal with as parents of teens, and your undying sence of humor!
LOLWM! (Laughing Out Loud With Myself)
this is so funny and my dad is def. a victim of this for sure. i love him but sometimes i have to tell him to lay off commenting on everything i comment on. its actually pretty funny to see him talk to me about this because he thinks he is so clever. if only he had a clue. i am 15 years old and wow this is right on. thanks alot! i will show this to my parents for sure:)
Here are a few for the kids: Please learn how to spell. Don’t change your profile pic every other day with your “self portraits”. Be glad your parents care (considering they most likely bought the computer you are using and are providing the internet.)
Guilty of ….ALL 10!!!! LOL.